It caught my notice, this week, that the sexual assault charges in the US against Dominique Strauss-Kahn were dropped. Dominique, despite the pretty name, is a bloke of the French variety. He’s 62 and is a BIG CHEESE in France (all puns intended) as he was head of the International Monetary Fund. Which is like a bank in the way the Bank of England is. Meaning they have money but no cash points - and apparently it’s impossible to open an account there.
Anyway, I think that justice has been done. I’ve seen his alleged victim, she’s a beautiful, slim 32-year-old. When I was that age, I must confess, it was a peculiar fantasy of mine to have carnal knowledge of as many garlicky old French fellas as I could squeeze into my working day. Seriously, who could resist him?
Those of you who watched the Star Wars movies and secretly craved to be forced to wear a gold bikini and get chained to Jabba The Hutt know EXACTLY where I’m coming from. Oh come on, who among you reading this now can HONESTLY say you’d turn down a bit of violent, abusive, mid-afternoon sex with a random codger? Let’s face it - we’ve all done it. For me, nothing else quite matches the unexpected pleasure of a pot-bellied granddad jumping out and grabbing my tits while I’m hoovering.
Happily, Mr and Mrs The Hutt are now free to leave the States and intend to return to France as soon as possible. Where Mr The Hutt faces further sexual assault allegations from another money-grabbing *hussy. *independently wealthy journalist
The main story of the week, however, has been the overthrow of Colonel Gaddafi in Libya by rebel forces. The picture that stays with me is of a guy called Al-Windi who found himself in the leader’s bedroom, during the storming of Gaddafi’s compound, found and wore his best military hat. A lovely thing it is too, all red, gold and imperial-looking. Some would say it is a tad camp and ‘male-stripper-on-a-cruise-ship’, but not me. I can’t think of a better souvenir for the day Al-Windi gave the hat to his dad, who had suffered much under the 42-year-regime of Colonel Gaddafi. I would have flogged it on ebay, myself, but fair play to him.
If we ever awaken from our apathetic slumbers and get to overthrow the monarchy here, I’m definitely going to march on in to Buck House and get myself something nice. I fancy one of those black, wide-brimmed, velvet hats with all the white feathers. It was the hat that set Kate Middleton off giggling and Wills blushing when he wore his for the Order of the Garter ceremony at Windsor Castle.
It would be very ‘statement’ at next year’s Grand National. It would need a totally pared-down outfit, however, so as to not look overdone. Personally, I would team it with a simple, black, wool-crepe shift, black, patent, platform Mary Janes and a golden carriage. *clicks fingers*
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